Don't Pray for Me

One thing I hate more than anything is when athletes thank god after winning a sporting event. My question is why would god give a fuck who won the super bowl or the US Open? Really how can any athlete be so self centered to believe an all powerful being would take the time out of their busy schedule to help out one person win a game?

Seriously why would God care? Did God bet on the sporting event? Who would take a bet against God? This all doesnt add up, and when things dont add up you normally end up with a bunch of grade A bullshit.

First off I dont believe God would pick sides in a mortal game and I really doubt god would look so unfavorably on one team. This makes even less sense when you realize that both teams most likely had a pre game prayer. This means both teams should be on a level playing field with the big man. But always when a team is victorious they thank God for the victory, pure bullshit. What about when bad people win? The Baltimore Ravens won the Super Bowl with a man who should have been in jail for aggravated assault! Do you think God really pushed for his victory? Isn't it just wrong for god to work for the team with a felon on it?

What about when you lose? You never once hear people say it was Gods fault they lost. God never seems to be against a team, but he always seems to be for the winner. This doesnt make sense, it is Gods fault one team wins but not that the other loses. Hell if I lost in the championship and the other team was all over the news thanking god you better believe I am going to blame god for the loss.

In the much more the likely event of me winning the championship I would tell interviewers that even God was against me and I still won. Its good because not only have you beaten the other team without the help of God but you also get to claim that you beat God. And we all know how much we have always wanted to show up god before.

So next time you hear someone thanking God for helping them out with some bullshit problem like winning the super bowl tell them that god has no time for their bullshit games and is probably out creating hurricanes, volcanos, or some other fun natural disaster.